


Walking on Eggshells

by orjange



Category: Kamen Rider Ex-Aid
Genre: Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 11:00:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19316836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orjange/pseuds/orjange
Summary: Somewhere deep down he wants to find out the truth and perhaps alleviate Emu's pain, just not worsen it. Like the intern, Hiiro too couldn't quite believe that the coroner would join forces with a man like Masamune, without at least a good reason. Then again, he was a bugster now, easily reprogrammed with the right knowledge and equipment, which Masamune definitely possessed.Doubt had gnawed at Hiiro anyway, and so had the intern's sullen face, which he tried - but failed - so hard to ignore. Something within him wished he could say some uplifting words to Emu, but comforting people really wasn't his strong suit, and he might just make it worse for the other. So he said nothing and treated Emu as he always does.If it were him, Hiiro thought, finding out what the coroner was truly up to would be the only true comfort. And god, he wanted to cheer up Emu so badly, as much as he didn't dare to admit it to himself.He went to Genm Corp to find out about Masamune Dan's plans, is all.





	Walking on Eggshells

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Gatoraiden](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gatoraiden/gifts).



> hey morgan!! while i originally didnt have exaid in my offers, i couldn't just Not write about hiiro for you. i really hope youll enjoy this!!  
> characterising hiiro can be a little hard but i did my best!!

Hiiro is crouching behind the couch in Masamune Dan's office, Kiriya's hand covering his mouth, stifling any noise Hiiro might've made in panic. He looks over at Kiriya, annoyed,his brows furrowing. Then he hears the door open and freezes.

He'd decided on his own to stake out at Genm Corp, behind the intern's back, because Emu would worry too much or something. He'd been a little clumsy, the stress getting to him, but by no means careless. As a disguise he had put on sunglasses and an uncharacteristically tacky outfit, all paired with loose, unstyled hair.  
Following Masamune Dan around was his top priority, but sometimes his thoughts drifted off to the coroner, who had come back as a bugster and was now under Masamune Dan's command. He knew that the intern was terribly upset about this development, happiness conflicting with sadness. Hiiro himself pretended not to care all that much (though he clearly did). 

Somewhere deep down he wants to find out the truth and perhaps alleviate Emu's pain, just not worsen it. Like the intern, Hiiro too couldn't quite believe that the coroner would join forces with a man like Masamune, without at least a good reason. Then again, he was a bugster now, easily reprogrammed with the right knowledge and equipment, which Masamune definitely possessed.

Doubt gnawed at Hiiro anyway, and so did the intern's sullen face, which he tried - but failed - so hard to ignore. Something within him wished he could say some uplifting words to Emu, but comforting people really wasn't his strong suit, and he might just make it worse for the other. So he said nothing and treated Emu as he always does.  
If it were him, Hiiro thought, finding out what the coroner was truly up to would be the only true comfort. And god, he wanted to cheer up Emu so badly, as much as he didn't dare to admit it to himself.

He went to Genm Corp to find out about Masamune Dan's plans, is all.

So Hiiro had followed Masamune Dan to his office and waited for the man to leave, from a shadowed corner in the hallway. When Masamune did leave, six hours of waiting later, Hiiro slipped into the office as carefully as possible, while making sure no one would see him.

 

* * *

 

"You're pretty bad at sneaking around, huh? I saw you slip in here and decided to follow after, by the way." says Kiriya with a smirk after removing his hand from Hiiro's mouth again (but not without making sure that they were alone again). Hiiro looks offended and regards the coroner with a cold stare. He was wrong to worry, this man can't be changed no matter how much you try to reprogram him. Really, all that was different about him was his black outfit, and the disturbing lack of sunglasses.

Kiriya simply disregards Hiiro's stern look and puts a hand on his left shoulder. "As obvious as your whole mission has been to almost everyone, I'm almost glad you're here, hotshot. I've been keeping the fucking bad guy act up for too long, and I don't think it suits me."

Literally anyone from the CR could be here and Kiriya would be saying the same thing to them, Hiiro knows that, and yet he feels strangely happy.  
Maybe some part of him had missed the coroner too. The thought sickens him a little.

Hiiro hasn't said anything yet, his brain overflowing with questions he could ask but his mouth feels sewn shut, like a defense mechanism, defending him from his own useless feelings.  He takes a breath.  
"The intern is worried sick about you. It's trouble, his performance has gone down considerably."

Kiriya's smile fades and he looks away. "I know." Hiiro frowns at those words. "I wish I could just come back to the CR, like normal. But I've got something I gotta do, and this is my best shot at it." Then he laughs a little. "You'd think he'd be able to see through my bad lies by now, but he's naïve like that…"

"It's his good point." Hiiro throws in unintentionally.

Kiriya nods.

They're still behind the couch, Hiiro realizes suddenly, though they've sat down now since crouching is uncomfortable. Then he catches himself wondering what Emu is doing at the moment, and wrinkles his nose.

"You like Emu too, don't you?" Kiriya says suddenly and Hiiro's heart jumps. He resists the urge to press a hand to his beating heart.

"...What?"

Kiriya just smirks, 'I knew it.' written all over his face.  
"He just reels you in, with his unending kindness and dedication… I've seen you look at him, back at the CR. Before I died, I mean. It's really written all over your face, I think Emu's the only one oblivious to it."

Hiiro can feel his face burning up, and he scrunches his brows until his face muscles hurt. He can hear Kiriya laugh softly.

"It's really nothing to be ashamed about."

But Hiiro is ashamed, his feelings are shameful, and he wishes he could burn them. It hurts, because Emu will never be with him, because Emu only has Kiriya in his mind, and Hiiro doesn't have a place beside him.

He can feel tears welling up in his eyes and he's grateful for the giant ugly sunglasses he's wearing, because his face must be so distorted right now. He closes his eyes and prays for his tear ducts to dry out.

Kiriya notices Hiiro's shaking lips and shivering body with concern but says nothing. He just wraps his arms around the other, who weakly sinks into the embrace.   
Hiiro hasn't cried in front of anyone since his elementary school days, not even in front of Saki. To cry was to show weakness, and Hiiro didn't want to be weak.  His feelings of shame and disgust at himself don't help the matter much, tears endlessly roll down his face and land on Kiriya's black floral pattern shirt.  
Kiriya had taken off Hiiro's tacky sunglasses so that the other could press his face into Kiriya's shoulder freely, which Hiiro did. 

"I took it too far, I'm sorry." Kiriya says right next to Hiiro's ear, even though he hadn't done anything wrong. Hiiro shakes his head. 

Kiriya registers what Hiiro is trying to tell him and replies with a soft 'okay'. 

They stay like this for a while, and suddenly it's 11pm and they're still sitting and hugging behind the couch. Hiiro's tears had finally died down, so he wiggles himself free and moves away a little, his face turning red in embarrassment as his head clears up and the whole situation really registers with him. He wipes at his eyes, upset at himself for letting this happen.

He furrows his brows and clenches his mouth when he realizes that he got mucus and tears on the coroner's shirt. He pulls out his handkerchief and starts to wipe the place where his face had just been.  
Kiriya snorts a little at that and Hiiro frowns at him angrily. 

"It's fine." Kiriya says with another snort and takes hold of Hiiro's hand, gently taking the handkerchief away. 

Then Kiriya leans closer and kisses Hiiro on the forehead and Hiiro flails slightly in confusion, looks at Kiriya, looks at the floor, looks at Kiriya, and then his fight or flight response kicks in.

He shoves Kiriya away and flees.   
  


* * *

 

 

They don't see each other again until that fateful day on the beach, with Hiiro having to watch Emu getting kicked around by Kiriya, which makes the bottom of his stomach burn. But he doesn't intervene, because this is between them, and surely Kiriya is pulling his punches. Hiiro sees Kiriya pull Emu close and whisper something into his ear and suddenly Emu punches the other, like in a fit of rage, and Hiiro feels like it had all gone to shit.

Hiiro hasn't told Emu that Kiriya was just playing a role, even though Kiriya didn't even ask him to, he had just felt it in his gut when Hiiro had brought up Emu during their encounter at Genm corp.  
  
"It's fine." says Emu as Poppy nurses his bruises carefully and with a highly worried expression on her face. 

She huffs. "It's  _ not _ fine! How dare he do that to you! I'm going to beat him up!!"

Emu smiles. "Please don't do that, Poppy…" He doesn't seem upset at all, even though he’s holding a cooling pack to his bruised eye. Hiiro is watching, close to berating the intern for his reckless actions, but he stops himself, because he hasn't seen Emu so happy in what feels like ages.

Poppy pouts visibly, in an exaggerated way, as usual. "Just one pipopapunch!" She flexes. Emu laughs.  
“It’s not a joke!” She frowns. “Though you already packed a good one on him…”

Emu is still smiling. “I think we should focus on more pressing issues, Poppy… Many people need saving.” Poppy looks down in defeat and nods. With pouty lips, and after checking Emu again to see if she'd overlooked any injuries, she turns and disappears back into her game with a swift jump.

Hiiro, who has been too chicken to say anything (for once), stares, impressed by Emu’s calm demeanor.  
Emu’s words, they hit him. That’s the Emu he knows, the Emu he....

He’s lost in thoughts when Emu suddenly says his name and the bubble pops. Like a wave of water putting out a wildfire, Emu’s voice calms him down. Sometimes it riles him up, sets the wildfire in his head, sometimes it’s the firefighter.  
It’s not really Emu’s fault as much as it’s actually Hiiro’s fault, which it is through and through.

"Hiiro-san?" Emu says again and Hiiro turns around to face Emu, maybe a little too fast. He clears his throat.

"...What, intern." He presses out and it sounds rude, unintentionally so, but still. His face contorts into a grimace. Some cake would be nice right now, he's lagging sugar, he thinks. Maybe he should apologize.

The intern points to a bag on the table. Hiiro instantly recognizes the seal of a local bakery that serves delicious fruit and cream cakes.

"Kagami-san brought over your favorite."  
Strawberry shortcake. Hiiro's eyes start to glisten. 

Shuffling closer, Hiiro peeks into the bag with caution. Strawberry shortcake, two pieces, and apricot cream cake, two pieces. 

A few minutes of unpacking and plating later and Hiiro is ready, scalpe-, no, butter knife in one hand, fork in the other.  
Emu is looking at him.

"Do you have anything to say to me, intern?"

"Oh, uhh… I was just wondering… You're really going to use a knife for a cake this soft..?"

Hiiro snorts. "Ridiculous question. There is nothing I cannot cut." 

He gets a defeated smile in response.

About to cut into the delicious cake, Hiiro suddenly halts. There is apricot cake in the bag as well, he suddenly recalls. And if his memory does not fail him, apricot is the intern's favorite.

He stares at the intern and then at the bag and then back at the intern again, who is looking quite confused at this point.

Hiiro sets down his cutlery and takes hold of the bag again.  
"...It seems my father may have bought some for you as well."

He can see Emu's face lighten up considerably and it fills him with an embarrassing feeling of glee.

"Apricot. Your favorite."

Emu nods. "How did you know?" Hiiro is still staring at his smile.

"You may have mentioned it at some point…" No, Hiiro had asked Poppy about it, who'd told him happily.  
  


Hiiro has to stop himself from watching Emu eat cake, or at least tries to. Emu is off in his own world, reading a gaming magazine as he enjoys the cake, absentmindedly licking some cream off his fork after he finishes the piece. Hiiro catches himself staring.

A tiny bit of whipped cream falls onto Emu's soft jawline and stays there, and the intern doesn't notice at all, deeply preoccupied with an article on Fortnite.  
Hiiro is going to go insane staring at that bit of whipped cream, it needs to go, but Emu isn't noticing it, and Hiiro can't bring himself to say something.

So he does the next best thing, and only realizes the awkwardness of it when his thumb brushes against Emu's jaw and the other looks up to stare at him. Suddenly time slows down and the moment drags on for what feels like minutes, Hiiro frozen solid in place, cold sweat running down his back as he tries to contemplate what he should do next.

"Hiiro-san…? What are you doing?"

The intern's words bring Hiiro back to his senses and he moves his hand away from Emu's face at the speed of light, quickly cleaning his thumb with a handkerchief. "Cream." He says and hopes his face isn't melting, revealing his heavy discomfort and embarrassment. He's scrunching up his brows subconsciously. 

"Oh, okay. Thanks." Says Emu and Hiiro can swear that he could see a tinge of red on the intern's cheeks.

The silence that follows is heavier than heavy cream and Hiiro just wants to leave so bad, but they're technically still on the job, and he also hasn't finished his second piece of strawberry shortcake.

So they keep eating, Hiiro trying to get lost in his thoughts once more and Emu continuing to read his gaming magazine, now skimming an article on a game Hiiro doesn't recognize. Emu seems distracted though, his eyes squinting. He occasionally shakes his head while pressing his eyes shut as if the sentences in front of him are collapsing, blending into one another. He pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs, then puts the magazine away.

"Bad article?" Hiiro asks, even though he hates smalltalk.

Emu looks at him, seeming unsure if he heard correctly. "Uh… No, it was alright… Maybe. I’m just a little too distracted…”

“I see.” Says Hiiro. He has no idea how to continue the conversation. He doesn’t play video games or read magazines about anything but medicine or maybe cakes, and he doesn’t know where he should take the topic next. Sure, he is interested in what’s keeping Emu so distracted, but he doesn’t want to seem nosy or like he’s interested in the well-being of the intern.

“It feels like the letters start dancing across the page, making everything so much harder to read or understand! It happens a lot when I read for a while, and I start to lose focus…” Emu continues, unprompted, like he’d read Hiiro’s mind. “But it rarely happens with topics that interest me, so it’s a little frustrating.”

Hiiro knows exactly how that feels, at least he thinks he does.  
“I get like that too sometimes.” He regrets those words already.

Emu looks up, surprised. Clearly he never could have expected such a thing from the rational, well put together man that is Hiiro Kagami. It makes him smile a little. “Really?”

Hiiro misinterprets that smile. “...Don’t laugh at me, intern.”

“No, no! I’m not laughing at you!!” Emu responds quickly. “It’s more like… I’m happy?”

Happy about what, Hiiro wants to ask, happy about Hiiro himself being pathetic?

“I’ve just… Never met anyone with similar problems…” Emu continues. “And, I mean, I’ll admit that it’s good to know you’re not a hundred percent perfect either.”

_ Oh. _ It dawns on Hiiro then, that this is okay. Maybe  _ good _ , even.  
But he lacks the ability to express these feelings, he wishes that he understood himself more.

So he doesn't say anything, just awkwardly takes another bite of his strawberry shortcake while hoping for Emu to continue speaking.

He does.

"I feel like you're being uncharacteristically nice to me today, Hiiro-san…" Emu props his head up with one hand. There's a smile on his face still. "Not that I don't welcome it, though! I'm just very used to your rough side." 

That remark stings. Not that Emu is wrong, it just hurts a bit. Hiiro has been blunt all his life but real cynicism only hit him with Saki's death, like a dark wave. But he's not all ice, there's a creamy center inside, and Emu is getting through to it.

"I appreciate it." Emu adds quickly, hoping Hiiro isn't taking his words wrongly.

Hiiro nods, stern-faced and with burning cheeks.

 

* * *

 

 Like being hopelessly in love with _one_ person isn't bad enough for Hiiro, he now realizes that his chest gets tight and his stomach weird when he thinks about the coroner. Kiriya being back in the CR is making things even harder for Hiiro, now he has to see both him _and_ Emu every goddamn day. Clearly, this is a crisis.

 

* * *

 

Emu and Kiriya ask Hiiro to go get ice cream with them and he says yes, like a fool. He doesn't even  _ like _ ice cream. He only likes Emu and Kiriya.

Luckily, he gets to eat cake. And luckily, he gets to watch the other two enjoy their ice cream. They talk about trivial things like the weather or how good the ice cream is. Hiiro explains how rain happens because he can't stay surface level with any topic without getting antsy. They both listen to him.  
  


They share kisses that afternoon, all three of them, and Hiiro feels like he's in a dream. They both have known all along, Hiiro realizes. 

The feeling in his chest? Joy.

 

Once they've parted ways, Hiiro lets himself smile. He feels stupid but also just as happy and alive.  
The sound of his inner nagging voice is but a whisper right now.

  
  
  



End file.
